It isn’t often that I put pen to paper and share about the worst time in my life as a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, person. The loss of Kenzi became a journey of turning sorrowing into happiness, turning loss into something beautiful and finding a light at the end of the darkest tunnel I had ever seen. My mind can take me back in an instant to this time in my life, a time when I was not sure about what the future would hold and how some days it took everything I had to get out of bed and mark the day off the calendar. My heart will always feel the pain of this loss not only for myself but for my family – my husband, my living children, my mother, grandparents, and others.
There are times when I do not have the words that truly share how this loss changed my life, so it is with Letters that I share the things that are often too hard to say out loud.
Dear My Little One,
You are now in a special place and have given me such a new outlook on life. January 23rd you were taken away and moved to be with God. I know you look down on all of us here. On Saturday we walked in your honor and your Big Sister misses you very much. And now I carry your little brother who is due in Feb. He will learn about you as well. Always in my heart.
This would have been your very first Christmas but are taken care of by God. I still miss you every day and think of you. I wish you were able to see how much we love you. But I know you know this.
Since you could not be here and we could not buy you gifts, I created Dolls for Daughters® in your honor. Collecting new dolls for little girls who would never have their own doll this season. We were able to collect close to 200 dolls in your memory. This has helped me make it through this 1st Christmas without you. I love you Kenzi! Love Mommy
When I am asked how I can continue to do what I do with Dolls for Daughters® and the days that I feel that I have not shared enough with more people about my strength to move forward, I read Letters such as these and they give me the will to continue to make a difference in the lives of children each year. I could not make a difference in Kenzi’s life because she was taken away from us before we had a chance, but I can make a difference in the lives of my own children and the lives of children who need new toys at the holidays.
The joy on the faces of my own children when they talk about the new toys for children in need at the holidays that line my office floor are priceless. The joy on the faces of the 835 families we provided new toys to last year at our toy shop, the pictures from our toy shop, the Kenzi’s Kidz families we serve, help inspire me to continue to make a difference. Hearing volunteers talk about their experience at our annual toy shop and other events, inspire me to move forward as well.
Without Kenzi, my living children, my family and friends, volunteers and donors, I would not be able to live out what has become my dream.